U.S.: ASHCROFT CONSIDERING PARTIAL REINSTATEMENT OF BILL OF RIGHTS, says Andy Borowitz

2004-08-05 | Would Be In Effect Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays

Attorney General John Ashcroft announced today that he was considering a "partial reinstatement" of the Bill of Rights, reversing his long-held opposition to reinstating them in any form. The Attorney General said that the partial re-opening of the Statue of Liberty had inspired him to consider a partial reinstatement of the first ten amendments to the U.S. Constitution which, except for the right to bear arms, were mothballed during the first year of the Bush administration.

“Much like Lady Liberty, the Bill of Rights is an American institution that a lot of our citizens, rightly or wrongly, have a sentimental attachment to," Mr. Ashcroft said. "They should be permitted to visit those rights from time to time.” Under Mr. Ashcroft's plan, such long-suspended rights as freedom of speech would be in effect Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays from 10 until 5. (Please click photo and then continue ...)